Sam's going to this portfolio thing and won't be at Girl Scouts tonight. The thing she's going to is really awesome. She's showing her portfolio to represetatives from certain colleges and they're telling her what they think. I wish I could do something like that - go play for someone and have them tell if I even have a shot in hell at this.
I get a feeling of grief inside my stomach, everytime aneagle flies above me. Something aboutit's grace, makes me want to soar right along side him, but I know that I can't, for I have no wings. Theeagle saw my pained expression, for one day, he flew right down to me, and asked. "Why are you so sad?" I replied."Because I want to fly with you, but I have no wings." He laughed. "Is that so?" Then he leaned in secretly. "Well, I have always wanted walk, but I have short legs, and I wobble." He sighed. "Flapping my wing's gets oh so tiring." I stared at him in disbelief. "But flying would be amazing! You could soar over roofs of houses, and no chain can hold you. You're free." "Roofs become boring and I've always wanted to go inside a building. I'm sure it would beso ornate, Id never get bored." He flapped his wings irritably. I shuffled my feet. "You really think so?" I had asked him. "Of course." Then he said. "I would give anything to see the sky from a window, the light reflecting through the glass. It would be so beautiful." As we said goodbye, and I went back inside, and I saw for the breifest second, the light reflect off the window and form a rainbow around the room. The eagle had been right. It was very beautiful.
God always taught me to leave proof of a promise I made. The rainbow is proof of God's promise that he will never destroy the earth again...(with a flood ,that is.) The cross is proof of God's promise that Jesus rid us of sin. The bible is proof of God's promise that he loves us. My boyfriend promised he'd never let me cry...but he didn't leave proof of this promise, and now I wish I had listened to God.
It's been almost a year since I've written on here. So many things have changed, and yet so many have stayed the same. I want to ask Justin so badly several things but I know the answer I'll get "I don't know" or "I don't think about it". What if he never saw me again? Would he be okay with that? I think about him daily, do I ever cross his mind other than when my nickname comes on Guitar Hero? Could he live without ever kissing me again? Does he keep seeing me only out of routine and habit because he doesn't want to try and find someone else? Does he keep coming back to me because I know him and know how he is and he doesn't feel like getting to know another girl? I don't know if he'll ever be able to take a chance and for real "date" again. He says the next three years scare him. I don't understand why, he knows where he's going to college, what he's going to study and even what job he'll have when he gets out. Will he one day just wake up and realize I've been standing in front of him the past year and a half? I doubt it. I think some other girl will come along and knock him off his feet. Maybe she can break the wall he's built up thanks to his last girlfriend. I don't think it'll be me though. I have realized that it's easier for me to deal with him than anyone else though. I guess we're alike in that we don't want to figure out another person, when we know each other well enough already. I know that no one else kisses me like he does and that I don't get nearly as excited about any other guy as I do about him. Going through a few guys at the start of the school year helped me realize that I'd rather have Juice break my heart than anyone else, because I know what to expect when he does. I know him and know his way of doing things. I trust him to break my heart the same way every time by just walking away. Every time he leaves, he takes a little bit of me with him.
i think i am the stupidest person in the whole world, i first like this guy and then i dont then i do again but im not sure if i am ready to have a boyfriend again, i know im not ready to have a boyfriend again, i mean things in my life are now starting to get back to the way they should be and i think jumping into another relationship will be really bad for me because im just goign to be bringing the baggage from my other relationship into thuis one and i might just hurt him in the long run and i dont want to hurt him that would be really bad, im not sure what to do, well on a happy note i got my permit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yayayayaya me i am soooo happy but i think im goin to do great,
~well till next time!
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